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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
