We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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