About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
