Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
