Don't you send me to vm
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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