are you still at the devil's house?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
