absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
