you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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