Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
