3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
