Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
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