My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
