dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
