After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
