yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
