for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
