I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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