yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize