My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
