and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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