I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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