Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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