The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
