Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
