youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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