I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
