Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My balls are so social today.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
