"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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