i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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