is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
