Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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