somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Buhtt sex?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
