I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
