I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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