When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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