Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
