DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
