Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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