I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
