Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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