so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
