Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
