dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
two words: eviction party
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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