it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
