Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
