I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
