This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
