my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
