the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
