that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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