I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
