Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
