How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize