I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
