You made me cry and you don't even care
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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