i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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