C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
