he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
