We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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