I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
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Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
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You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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