you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
