So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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