covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
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Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
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There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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