At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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